Finding Your Space Online: CBT for Autistic Women in a Social Media World: Part 3 of 3.

In this final post of our series, having explored the impact of masking and the ways Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can support autistic individuals in general and assist autistic girls and women in the complex art of unmasking in social interactions, we turn our attention to a defining feature of modern life: the ever-present, ever-changing world of social media.

For many, social media is a primary way to connect, share, and stay informed. However, for autistic individuals, particularly those who have spent years masking, the digital landscape presents its own unique set of challenges. The unwritten rules, the speed at which trends shift, the curated realities, the potential for rapid misunderstanding, and the pervasive culture of comparison can feel like navigating a minefield while wearing that familiar, uncomfortable masking suit, now in digital form. CBT for Autistic Women.

The pressure to present a 'perfect' or 'relatable' online persona can become yet another layer of masking – digital camouflaging. Autistic women, already adept at observing and mimicking in the physical world, may find themselves attempting to apply these same exhausting strategies online, trying to decipher the 'correct' way to post, comment, or interact.

Applying CBT Principles to the Digital Landscape: The core principles of CBT – understanding the link between thoughts, feelings, and behaviours – are incredibly relevant when navigating the online world. Social media interactions, or even just consuming content, can trigger automatic thoughts and intense feelings that influence our online behaviour and overall well-being.

Here's how CBT techniques can be applied to help autistic women navigate the complexities of social media:

• Identifying and Challenging Negative Self-Talk: Social media is RIFE with opportunities for comparison. Seeing curated highlight reels can easily trigger thoughts like "My life isn't as interesting," "I'm not achieving enough," or "Everyone else is more socially connected." CBT helps autistic women identify these negative, often distorted thoughts and challenge their validity. Is the online portrayal truly representative of reality? What evidence is there against this negative thought?

• Understanding Online Social Cues and Expectations: Just like in-person interactions, social media has its own set of unspoken rules, sarcasm, irony, and rapidly evolving norms (hello, TikTok trends!). CBT can provide a framework for understanding these dynamics without the pressure to seamlessly conform. It's about learning to interpret communication styles ("Is this comment genuinely critical or meant ironically?"), recognise common online behaviours, and develop strategies for engaging that feel comfortable and authentic, rather than performing a 'digital mask'.

• Setting Healthy Boundaries Around Social Media Use: The addictive nature of social media, combined with the potential for overwhelm from sensory input (scrolling, notifications) and social pressure, can lead to excessive or distressing use. CBT helps identify the patterns of social media use and the feelings that drive them (e.g., doomscrolling fuelled by anxiety, or constantly checking for validation). It supports developing strategies for setting clear limits on time spent online, curating feeds to reduce triggering content, and recognising when a break is needed.

• Coping with Online Conflict or Misunderstanding: Miscommunication can happen easily online due to the lack of non-verbal cues. Autistic individuals may be more prone to literal interpretation, leading to misunderstandings or unintended conflict. CBT can help manage the emotional fallout from negative online interactions, challenging thoughts like "I must have done something wrong" or "Everyone hates me." It supports developing strategies for responding constructively, disengaging when necessary, and not internalising negative interactions.

• Utilising Social Media for Authentic Connection: Despite the challenges, social media can also be a powerful tool for autistic women to find community and connect based on shared interests. CBT can help individuals overcome anxieties about online interaction to seek out and engage with neurodiversity-affirming groups or special interest communities. These spaces can be invaluable for finding understanding, reducing isolation, and feeling safe to express one's authentic self without the need for masking.

Practical Strategies for a Digital World: Applying CBT to your social media habits doesn't require hours of therapy each week. Many strategies can be integrated into daily life:

• Thought Challenging in the Moment: When a post or interaction triggers a negative thought ("They think I'm weird"), pause and quickly challenge it: "What's the evidence for this? Is there another way to interpret this?"

• Scheduled Engagement: Instead of endless scrolling, set specific times for checking social media. Treat it like any other activity in your schedule.

• Mindful Scrolling: Pay attention to how different content makes you feel. If a particular account or type of post consistently triggers anxiety or negative comparison, consider unfollowing or muting.

• Curate Your Feed: Actively seek out and follow accounts that are positive, validating, and related to your interests. Unfollow those that fuel negative feelings or unrealistic expectations.

• Identify Your Online Purpose: Are you there to connect with friends, follow interests, or for work? Being clear about your purpose can help you use platforms more intentionally and avoid getting lost in overwhelming or irrelevant content.

Finding Community Online: An autistic used CBT to work through her ananxiety about joining online groups. Her therapist helped her challenge thoughts like "I won't fit in online either" and explore the evidence from positive interactions she had had in the past. She started by passively following a group related to her special interest. Gradually, she felt brave enough to post a question, armed with a CBT-practised coping statement for managing potential anxiety while waiting for responses. The positive engagement she received was a powerful experience that helped her continue to connect authentically in online spaces, significantly reducing her feelings of loneliness.

Thriving Authentically in a Connected World: Navigating social media as an autistic woman can be challenging, particularly given the ingrained habits of masking. However, by applying the principles and techniques of CBT, it is possible to develop a greater understanding of online dynamics, manage associated anxieties, set healthy boundaries, and find spaces for genuine connection and authentic self-expression.

CBT, delivered by a neurodiversity-affirmative therapist, doesn't aim to change who you are. Instead, throughout this series, we hope to have shown how it provides a valuable toolkit for understanding your own responses, navigating social complexities (both online and off), embarking on the brave journey of unmasking, and ultimately, living more comfortably and authentically in a world that is constantly evolving. You have the right to take up space, both online and offline, as your true, unmasked self.